How to Affair-Proof Your Relationship

 

So many couples split up each year because one partner is caught fooling around. Here’s advice from psychologist Janis Abrams Spring, Ph.D., author of After the Affair (HarperCollins, 1996), on how to short circuit those wanderlust feelings before he, or you, acts them.

Cuddle Up

Cuddle up. Couples who play together stay together. Make an effort to show affection, hold hands, give your guy a hug. You may be surprised to see that he recipocates to your queues quite nicely.

 

Write a Love List

Write a love list.  Jot down the little things he can do to make you happy, have him do the same, then trade lists. Do at least one thing for the other each day. This reaffirms your love.

 

Take Each Other’s Grievances Seriously

Take each other’s grievances seriously.  If he’s complaining that he feels neglected or criticized, figure out how, and if, you’re responsible. Naturally, he should do the same for you. Communication goes a long way. You’ll be amazed at how much better you feel when you can each express yourselves and be true about what is on your minds, even if nothing is resolved.

 

Pencil In Sex

Pencil in sex.  Don’t wait until you both feel “in the mood” before heading for the bedroom. Make dates with each other, get into bed, and start touching. The arousal will come.

 

Don’t Keep Secrets

Don’t keep secrets. Keeping any serious secrets from each other­­­ (and they don’t have to involve sex) is a violation of trust. If you’d like something to be different, or need him to change his behavior, let him know.

 

Try To Remember

Try to remember. Does the reliable man you fell in love with three years ago now bore you to tears? Often, the very same things that attracted you to him in the first place can, with time, become annoying. Try looking at him as if you were seeing him for the first time. You may rediscover those old feelings of love.

 

Increase Romance

Only 4% of couples believe someone can be too romantic. Discover what each side has to say on how to increase romance:

From His Perspective:

We best understand by example. If we see loving gestures coming our way enough times, it will eventually sink in that, Oh, we should try doing some of this nice stuff too. Send your man flowers for absolutely no reason; he’ll see how special it makes him feel, and hopefully, he’ll do the same for you sometime.

When he comes home from work one night, prepare a romantic candlelit dinner, wearing nothing but your own creativity.  There’s a good chance that tomorrow he’ll split early from work and surprise you with an evening of sensual fun.

From Her Perspective:

Generally, it’s pretty easy to inspire men to be more romantic if you take the lead. Dress a little sexy, wear perfume, and tell him how handsome he looks.

These efforts should encourage him to whisper sweet nothings into your ear or kiss you more often.  Nobody wants to say, “Give me more, be nicer to me!” and nobody wants to be hit over the head with such demands. But when you’ve been together for a while, you tend to forget the basics, like lighting candles. Sometimes, we all need a little reminding. Set the mood and , hopefully, he’ll respond.