Telling White Lies Is a Sure Indicator…

Telling white lies is a likely indicator you are a People-Pleaser.

Do you say yes, then back out with a white lie?

This was me for so long. In college I always got asked out by the male engineers in my classes. I didn’t have any desire to date them, but felt REALLY bad saying no.

I was projecting on them, feeling like I was calling them “geeks” by saying No. And that if I said No, that was an insult to them. As if I was saying… “You aren’t good enough for me. You aren’t cool enough for me.” When in reality, I just wasn’t interested. 

I also worried that they wouldn’t continue to help me with my homework and studying for tests. 

I thought I had to be nice to them for their help. But I was being too nice!

So what did I do? 

I would say “Sure!” Then the night before, I’d call them up and tell them a big fat white lie.

“I’m not feeling so good. Sorry, I can’t make it to your gathering tomorrow. I think I’ve got a cold.”

All I needed… was the balls to say… my truth… A truth. Such as… “I’m busy with my girlfriends. That is my focus.”

Make a joke out of it… “Thank you, but my besties keep me fully booked! Hahaha. I know it sounds crazy. But I love it actually!”

Instead I would say, I’ve got plans Saturday, I’m busy. Then they would come back with… well, how about Friday? “I’m going to study Friday.” Sure enough the following week, I’d get the same requests.

An answer that indicates my focus is elsewhere, like all the time, gives them a clear ‘No’. I am wanting to do other things or be with other people in my free time. Like, “I’ve got a standing date with my besties!” 

Now, in hindsight, I’d have been way better off hanging out with some of these engineers than getting drunk every weekend chasing the “popular” frat boys. Well, that is another story for another time!

Here are nine consequences of telling white lies:

Erosion of trust: Even small lies can erode trust in relationships over time. When others discover the truth, they may feel deceived or betrayed, leading to feelings of hurt and resentment.

Damage to credibility: Habitual lying, even about trivial matters, can damage a person’s credibility and reputation. Others may become skeptical of their words and actions, making it difficult for them to be taken seriously or trusted in the future.

Strained relationships: Continuously telling white lies can strain relationships with friends, family, and colleagues. Over time, others may become frustrated or disillusioned with the dishonesty, leading to distance or breakdowns in communication.

Guilt and shame: Carrying the burden of lying can lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and anxiety. Even if the lie seems harmless at first, the emotional toll of keeping up appearances can be significant.

Difficulty maintaining consistency: Keeping track of lies and maintaining consistency in storytelling can be challenging. White lies may snowball into bigger falsehoods, leading to a tangled web of deception that becomes increasingly difficult to manage.

Missed opportunities for authentic connection: Dishonesty can hinder genuine communication and intimacy in relationships. By avoiding difficult conversations or concealing the truth, individuals may miss out on opportunities for authentic connection and understanding.

Self-deception: Telling white lies can lead to a pattern of self-deception, where individuals convince themselves that their dishonesty is justified or harmless. This can contribute to a lack of self-awareness and hinder personal growth and development.

Damage to self-esteem: Constantly resorting to lies to avoid confrontation or discomfort can damage self-esteem and self-confidence. Individuals may begin to doubt their own worth and integrity, leading to a cycle of negative self-talk and self-doubt.

Loss of respect: Ultimately, habitual lying can lead to a loss of respect from others. When people discover the extent of the deception, they may feel disillusioned or disappointed, leading to a breakdown in trust and respect for the individual.

If it’s scary for you to speak up, speak your truth, in fear of disappointing others, hop on a call with me and we’ll plan out a roadmap for how to shed the fears that keep you from speaking up in your relationships and at work. Click here to book your free call and get ready to reclaim your time and energy!

In Be Your OWN Yes Woman, we dive deep into how to communicate from the heart. We go over strategies for setting boundaries, saying no without guilt, and prioritizing your well-being.  Remember, a healthy you is a more effective you, in all your relationships. 

I’m Donna, a Wellness Coach… 

I broke free from living a life of accommodating everyone else’s needs…

to living a life on my own terms, every single day. It then became my mission to help as many women as possible to find self love, live life on their own terms and still be loving and giving to others.

#TellingWhiteLies