I have in front of me a rainbow stack of about 200 holiday letters that my friends and family gathered for me. Many are printed on elaborate holiday-motif stationery; some have family pictures integrated right into the text. Others are printed in green or red ink—or both! At glance, it looks as if the holiday letter has become as much decorating project as putting up lights and other seasonal adornments.
People of my grandparent’s generation, who came of age in the first quarter of the 20th century, didn’t send holiday letters. This mass- mailing ritual probably wouldn’t have made much sense to them because most family and friends lived so close that they already knew who was graduating from high school. Who fell from the apple tree and broke his arms, and who had twins and named them mandy and missy. I suspect that holiday letters are our 21st century way of trying to keep the village together , even though the village has scattered all over the world.
Love Them or Hate Them?
Cynthia Lett , director of the Lett Group, which specializes in matters of etiquette and protocol, Is skeptical that a one –size –fits- all letter is real way connecting. The whole point of etiquette is to make people feel special,” she says,” and form letters can’t do that.”
Our desire to stay in touch with people is certainly a good thing. However, sometimes the good intentions of the author can have just the opposite of the desired effect. So what can you do to make sure your letters does what you hope it will do?
First, let’s look at the forms these holiday letters take. In my large stack, I noticed five definite types of letters, each with its own benefits and pitfalls.
The Family Resume
This is the most common, probably because it’s so easy to organize—you just start with the youngest or oldest and work down or up. The family resumes gives a quick update for anyone who wants a glance at what is happening in your lives. But like most resumes, they tend to boast.(Reading through my stack, I started to wonder: Was everybody promoted last year? Every family have someone on the honor role these days? And did everyone have a perfectly splendid vacation during which never was heard a discouraging word!? )
Letts warns that we should take into consideration the people that we are addressing: “Don’t insult the less fortunate. Boasting about family accomplishments can be like pushing a pie in their face.”
Poet and essayist Bill Holm,in his small book titled Faces of Christmas Past, acknowledges these frequent failings of the holiday letter. But , he is much more forgiving of the writers’ shortcomings: “ It’s real message lives under the language. I am alive, it says, still on the planet. I have not forgotten you.”
The Events Calendar
Very much like the family resume, this format is easy to organize, focused on dates instead of family members. It runs the same risk as the resume, which is that it can look like a boasting list of “our accomplishments.”
The Personal Essay
These are the ones that are more soul-searching; the writer seems to have taken on the task of looking for what has been most meaningful in the past year.
The advantage of the personal essay letter is that it restores some of the intimacy we have lost in our discourse with each other.
However, a form letter should not be the means for information that is too personal. Lett says it would be better to call your friend on the phone and have a conversation.
The Entertaining Letter
A few people are just naturally funny. Entertaining letters often are printed on jolly stationery that sets the mood. The best entertaining holiday letter writers are masters of hyperbole and irony, playfully exaggerating both the accomplishments and failures of various family members throughout the year. The risk of comic letter is that some people might not get it.”
The Creative Option
Some of these overlap with the entertaining letters, but here are few interesting examples: a) poetry, sometimes in the form of a parody of some well-known poem, like’Twas the Night Before Christmas, b) a retrospective of the year from the point of view of the family dog—I actually have three of these, and c) take-offs from TV lists, like “the 10 funniest things that happened to us this year” or 20 secrets we’re telling you and nobody else.”
A few of these that I read were quite good, but they can easily become hokey.
Tips for a Better Letter
If we are to preserve the holiday letter tradition, there are ways in which we can exercise our individuality and still have the desired effect of bringing the village back together. Here are some suggestions.
A Handwritten Note
A handwritten note at the bathroom or in the margins is better than no personal touch at all. Adding a personal handwritten touch will take more time, but it will send the message that we care. Columnist and author Judith Martin, known to many as Miss Manners, says to be sure to sign each letter with your own hand.
Consider Two Versions
Consider having more than one holiday letter: one for the most distant acquaintances and one for closer friends.
What To Avoid
You should not only avoid boasting, but also bad news.
“Less happy information should never be shared in a ‘good wishes’ note at the holidays,” says Lett. “If you feel you must share bad news with someone, do it n a phone call or personal letter, not greeting card. Good wishes at the holidays should be good news.”
Some Final Tips
Consider the updated family photograph with a personal note as an alternative to the long form letter. Pictures probably tell as much as many of our distant friends would want to know.
We should think as much about our audiences as ourselves while writing. This will lead us in the direction of the good wishes we are really want to convey.
A final note about computer-age communication: if we include our e-mail address, we should remember that not all of our friends and relatives are likely to have joined the computer age. Always give your phone number as an option to e-mail.
Author Tim heynen teaches writing at st. Olaf College,Northfield, Minnesota. His latest novel for young adults is Cosmos Coyote and William the Nice
